Feeling Blah

To answer my last entry, nope, I'm not pregnant. I must say that it definitely felt strange waiting for the prenancy test to come out with its result with trepidation instead of the excitement and eager anticipation that I went through before such. Guess that this is what most women go through when they feel that they're going to have an unexpected (I really would rather not use "unwanted") pregnancy.

To go back to my original intent for this entry, I'd just like to state that I've been feeling rather blah the past week. I was hoping that I can shake it off with the visit of my high school friends over the weekend but I didn't. Of course their presence eased my mood a little, but it never went away. So, is this the baby blues or am I just PMSing?

A week ago my husband told me that his job might be in peril because of his company's proposed organizational changes. With his news, the gray cloud over my head just got darker. I've been too traumatized by his last lay-off that I just can't imagine going through with it again. And this is coming from me--- the other half, who's not even the one being laid off! I'm sure that it's much worse for hubby dear.

My downcast mood was alleviated somewhat by my friends' visit as I mentioned earlier. However, when you have something that big hanging over your head, you can't really immerse yourself into a feel-good reunion like you're supposed to. No surprise then that this gray cloud is back shortly after I took JL to the airport.

To distract myself from this mood, I went to GE's place for lunch. She had just come from Virginia with her family where they spent the long weekend. ED and her kids went to lunch at GE's too. Now I'm sure that this is just the blah feeling talking but somehow I felt like a third wheel this afternoon. Here are my two good friends here in Pittsburgh --- friends who I introduced together as my blah feeling would point out --- talking about stuff that sadly I am not a part of. They were discussing stuff about their doll business venture, which is something that I am genuinely supportive of. But for some reason, their conversation today just made me feel so left out. There were my girlfriends, supporting each other and being productive, making plans on their future ventures. On the other hand, there I was, smiling and nodding like a fool while deep inside I was feeling more desolate and useless. At one point I even volunteered to cover a part of their future project only to be, again this may be just the blah feeling talking, brushed off like a pesky fly. Haaay naku! I really have to shake this blah feeling soon!

I'm sure that when I tell my dear hubby about my current mood, he's going to ask what he can do to help. The thing is I don't know if there's anything he can do to help, except perhaps for him to be a little more patient with me. I've had these moods before and they usually pass. I'm just hoping that I'll get over this soon so that I'll feel less of an ass and more of my usual chummy self. Let me just keep my fingers crossed!